no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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