The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
