You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
