Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
