I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
