4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
