Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
