Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
