My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
