Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I did not marry a roomba.
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