went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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