i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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