we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I want a musical about memes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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