I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this boner is exhausting
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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