Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
