I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
