At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
