we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
