She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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