she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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