Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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