My nipple is on Facebook.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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