I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
