omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
