Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
