i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just googled if crying burns calories
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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