i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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