Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
