i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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