She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
