My room smells like vodka and shame
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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