my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
