Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
