I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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