Im at strip club and am horny
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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