i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
