Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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