He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
