I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
