that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
