This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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