I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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