Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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