Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
