You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
