4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
