Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
