just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
