Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
