He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
