you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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