he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I want a musical about memes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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